At one point, I would have thought that a spanking did not need a reason. A spanking was swats on the bottom, case closed. But lately, my thoughts on what I will call "wife spanking" have changed. Let's say you're going to spank your wife (or girlfriend) for no particular reason. Perhaps it is for the erotic arousal of the you as the spanker or of the wife. What do you do? What implement to use? How many strokes? How long to continue? Should you continue until I protest verbally? Until she begs you to stop?
To answer each of these questions you need to answer the "master question", "Why is he spanking her?"
Notice I phrased that from the spanker's perspective. That is because the spanker is the one giving the spanking. He determines what to use and how long to continue. The spankee gives up all control over the spanking as soon as she consents to being spanked, both as a general agreement and by submitting to each spanking. Whether verbally or simply by physically presenting herself in the spanking position, she gives up all control except for emergency situations (e.g., breathing difficulties). It's all over for the spankee at that point.
But what should the spanker do? Give 3 swats? 10? 150? Without a purpose, there is no answer to this question.
Having said that, what could the purpose of the spanking be? Herein lies another problem. Let's see how this goes.
(1) Erotic. If the purpose is erotic, then it is easy. Spank slowly and with a soft to moderate stroke with your hands until her cheeks are pink. Take your time and stop to rub a bit to develop stronger erotic feelings in both of you. Erotic spankings may include implements, but these are normally the more moderate ones that are wielded with a gentler hand. Checking for arousal may be part of the routine, but is likely to be unnecessary after you get to know one another in the first few sessions.
(2) In between. Let me set this goal aside for the time being....
(3) Punishment. If the purpose is punishment, then she must be spanked a bit beyond when she feels she's had enough. This may be hard to gauge, but it is solely up to the spanker to look for signs and determine when she's been punished enough. Some say you should continue until she makes uncoordinated movements of her torso, legs, and hands - twisting, kicking, and reaching back. Others say when she is sincerely begging you to stop. you are almost at the point where she has been sufficiently punished. However, I say that the goal of a punishment spanking will vary with the crime. One curse word might mean a relatively light punishment spanking of about 10 strokes of the hairbrush or paddle, whereas texting and driving would deserve a severe spanking with either the cane or belt followed by the paddle. The light spanking may not be very exciting or make much of an impression on her, yet it may be enough to remind her to choose better words for a few days. Repeated offenses would earn a more severe spanking.
Is there really anything in between? Probably not anything different. All spankings probably fall somewhere on the Erotic to Punishment continuum and an "in between" spanking can be understood as a little less of one and a little more of the other for different people and different times. But the spanker and spankee must both know what the goal is, because there is a goal. It may just be that no one has stated the goal explicitly.
Having said that, what about these "maintenance spankings" that everyone talks about? To me, as most bloggers use the term "maintenance" is a small punishment spanking, like the bad language example above. Once a week he would spank for all the small things she could have done better, even if he does not list them or state directly that you are being spanked for all the small misdemeanors.
What about my preferred term, "Practice Spankings". Well, they are just that - practice, but the understood adjective is "punishment". Practice Spankings are almost always for punishment, because who in the heck needs to practice an erotic spanking? Way too easy. Whether a few swats, or a few hundred, if the goal is erotic, once you've given a few erotic spankings, you'll know that you know how to do it. After that, why play around with pretending to practice? Just give her an erotic spanking and enjoy the afteraffects.
What of "stress relief spankings"? As stress relief undoubtedly brings some measure of pleasure, a stress relief spanking is a form of Erotic Spanking. Why not?
One final note, purely "Erotic Spankings" have lost their appeal to me. They work, I do get aroused from smacks to my rear, but I no longer want spanks without a purpose. I like the purpose and the thrill of going over his knee for a punishment. I like the "out-of-control" aspect of "really getting it". I like looking at him afterwards and thinking, "This man just spanked me." I like that it reestablishes him as the leader and enforcer. It keeps me from overwhelming him. It keeps me from taking over the relationship. He's not a natural spanker (see earlier posts here), but I think he is starting to like it, perhaps for the same reasons. He had just never thought that spanking was the way to make the relationship something that he wanted it to be. He likes to be the leader. I like to have my say, but I know something is out-of-whack (no pun intended) when I am calling all the shots. He doesn't like it, but is too polite to say anything. I don't like it, but I feel bad enough without 'fessing up that I know my behavior is out-of-line. A good spanking is a way to reset us to what we both want. A small price to pay, if you ask me.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Two Days Later
Two days after I wrote that post, on a Monday night, I asked for and received a birthday spanking. He used his hand, then the short cane. I suggested the cane because it is quiet. He dutifully gave me my age in hand spanks (less than 50). Then, he gave me the same number with the cane - and surprised me by continuing to about 70. The short cane when used OTK (actually, over the leg, leaning on the bed) doesn't hurt too much. It's not like getting the cane with him standing and using a full arm swing. The over the leg position only allows him to lift his arm and swing so much. It is stingy and does hurt, but it is quite manageable. I will say, I was satisfied and happy when it was over. I recall that I was starting to cry out a bit more, and he seems to stop when I do that. I'd like him to continue well beyond these natural protests, but he is not yet comfortable with that. We are making progress, though. I was quite turned on by the whole birthday spanking. Later, I remarked that I thought he would quit at my age (when he was spanking with the cane). He said he was expecting to do that, but he was enjoying it and wanted to continue. I think that is a great sign! He's becoming a spanko! Or, at least, a SPANKER! He is really a great guy!! I was very turned on by the spanking, and he certainly liked that.
Two days after my birthday spanking, we were at his place (where we have more privacy), spending our last night together for about five weeks. (He will be travelling for work until about Christmas.) Of course, he wanted to fool around, but it was getting late. I told him that I felt "the pressure is on" to get turned on quickly and have a great encounter. He understood how I might feel that way. Somehow I suggested that we could speed up the "turning on" part of making love if I got a spanking. He said, "We could do that." I agreed, and he took out the wooden paddle. I was willing, and a bit turned on that he would spank me with no warning or anticipation, but from the first spank, I was in such pain! I guess I was still feeling the aftereffects of the 70 cane strokes. (And, I was. For two days, I could feel the surface tenderness and deep soreness each time I sat down or touched my bottom.) After about 18 or so, I started to raise up my torso in pain after each swat, screaming out something like, "Ahhhh!". I guess I tolerated about 30 or so before my right foot started to come up and I cried out with each one. He could tell I was suffering, and he stopped and asked if that was enough. I said, "Yes!"
I'd prefer that he take me a bit farther, past the point that I'm starting to hope that he will stop. Instead of stopping and asking if that is enough, I wish he'd push my torso back towards the bed and give me five or six really hard ones, really fast. I'd scream, but I'd love it!!
I'll have to teach him how to put an "exclamation point" on a spanking.
Two days after my birthday spanking, we were at his place (where we have more privacy), spending our last night together for about five weeks. (He will be travelling for work until about Christmas.) Of course, he wanted to fool around, but it was getting late. I told him that I felt "the pressure is on" to get turned on quickly and have a great encounter. He understood how I might feel that way. Somehow I suggested that we could speed up the "turning on" part of making love if I got a spanking. He said, "We could do that." I agreed, and he took out the wooden paddle. I was willing, and a bit turned on that he would spank me with no warning or anticipation, but from the first spank, I was in such pain! I guess I was still feeling the aftereffects of the 70 cane strokes. (And, I was. For two days, I could feel the surface tenderness and deep soreness each time I sat down or touched my bottom.) After about 18 or so, I started to raise up my torso in pain after each swat, screaming out something like, "Ahhhh!". I guess I tolerated about 30 or so before my right foot started to come up and I cried out with each one. He could tell I was suffering, and he stopped and asked if that was enough. I said, "Yes!"
I'd prefer that he take me a bit farther, past the point that I'm starting to hope that he will stop. Instead of stopping and asking if that is enough, I wish he'd push my torso back towards the bed and give me five or six really hard ones, really fast. I'd scream, but I'd love it!!
I'll have to teach him how to put an "exclamation point" on a spanking.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Making Progress
This will be a short post. It is late.
What I have noticed in the past few spankings is that we are now developing our own spanking style. At first, I had an idea - from what I had read and my fantasies - of what I wanted him to say and to do. I thought that would save us the dreadful part of the learning curve where mistakes and regrets are made. But now I've learned that we have to do this our way and learn what is important to us. So from the start he has developed a ritual of telling me to "assume the position", which I didn't like at first because I associate that with boys being paddled (impersonally) at school. I prefer "Come here, bend over". But "assume the position" seems to make this more pleasant and a bit more fun for him. Also, warmups are now at his discretion, as are the order and number of strokes with each implement. At first I thought it had to be hand warmup, paddle, then cane, but he seems to prefer to do a warmup only sometimes, followed by the cane, then several sets with the paddle. Until this causes problems for us, I will let him proceed as he likes. After all, I want him to like this, and I like it so far.
What I have noticed in the past few spankings is that we are now developing our own spanking style. At first, I had an idea - from what I had read and my fantasies - of what I wanted him to say and to do. I thought that would save us the dreadful part of the learning curve where mistakes and regrets are made. But now I've learned that we have to do this our way and learn what is important to us. So from the start he has developed a ritual of telling me to "assume the position", which I didn't like at first because I associate that with boys being paddled (impersonally) at school. I prefer "Come here, bend over". But "assume the position" seems to make this more pleasant and a bit more fun for him. Also, warmups are now at his discretion, as are the order and number of strokes with each implement. At first I thought it had to be hand warmup, paddle, then cane, but he seems to prefer to do a warmup only sometimes, followed by the cane, then several sets with the paddle. Until this causes problems for us, I will let him proceed as he likes. After all, I want him to like this, and I like it so far.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Great...hard...hurt
Well, in a word, it was "great"!! It was also "hard" and it "hurt". Ok, enough of that silliness. He started out with a hand warm-up, and then pulled out the wooden paddle. I've had it before, but he never really swung it hard enough. This time he started out hard. From the first spank I was hurting. At the end of the first set (about 30??), he gave me one that made me really cry out in pain and lift my left leg. He stopped for a bit of rubbing and then started up again. I was a little disappointed that he spanked more softly for this second set. Then he stopped, rubbed, and asked if that was enough. I told him to do a few more, but harder and faster. This last set of about ten or so were about as hard as that first set and just a little bit faster. None caused a reaction like that last spank in the first set.
He didn't lecture, which I would have liked. But it was nice. I thanked him afterwards.
It's too bad the effect is so temporary. We played in bed a while. I told him that spanking doesn't have to lead to sex, but then I mentioned the spanking - oral sex connection. He liked that idea a lot! I felt my warm buns once or twice, but other than that the effect was fleeting. By the evening, there were no lingering effects at all.
The good news is that he's getting better!
He didn't lecture, which I would have liked. But it was nice. I thanked him afterwards.
It's too bad the effect is so temporary. We played in bed a while. I told him that spanking doesn't have to lead to sex, but then I mentioned the spanking - oral sex connection. He liked that idea a lot! I felt my warm buns once or twice, but other than that the effect was fleeting. By the evening, there were no lingering effects at all.
The good news is that he's getting better!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
I'm Going to be Spanked Today
Lately I've been asking for more spankings, and he has agreed to do more. I have also requested that at least at times, the spanking is "for a reason". Otherwise, for me, it is just so much ass slapping.
Last night, M and I were talking in bed about our plans for today. I mentioned that he might want to spank me. I was thinking it would be a "reminder" or "practice" spanking. I prefer those words to "maintenance". I like to think that these sort-of-weekly spankings are to remind me that I can be spanked if I get out of line and try to take control of the relationship. These routine spankings for him to practice how to spank me and for me to learn how to take a spanking with grace and dignity.
When I suggested a spanking, he said, "Yes, you were very sassy in the kitchen tonight." How exciting! He wanted to spank me for being sassy!! Let me tell you what happened...
Yesterday, M was helping me cook a chicken stew. He is just learning to cook, so he has some silly ways of doing things, like peeling an onion. He tries to take off each paper-thin peeling, one at at time. As a teen, my mother taught me to remove the skin by cutting almost all the way across the top and bottom of the onion and ripping off a section. Then, take off one good layer and all of the peelings at once. When I noticed what he was doing, I made some disparaging remarks and grabbed the knife from him and tried to apply my method, also known as "the right way". He went along and didn't say anything at the time. But he must have been stewing over it all night (no pun intended!).
So, I'm excited that I will get a spanking this afternoon for being disrespectful. It would have been ok to be spanked for this anytime last night. If he had said something at the time, he could have spanked me while the stew was simmering. But it's ok to wait a little while, too. I've been thinking about it this morning, and I like the idea that he is going to try to take me in hand and give me a good cane and wooden paddle spanking for my actions. Eventually, I'd like him to spank hard enough that I start to cry. (Hasn't happened yet, but we are getting there.) As I mentioned above, I have a tendency to sort of take over. For him to remain somewhat in charge, he will have to spank me fairly often, perhaps about once a week. I can tell that he doesn't really like it, but he does it for me and for the relationship.
To be honest, though, it's all just an illusion - I am still in charge. ;)
Last night, M and I were talking in bed about our plans for today. I mentioned that he might want to spank me. I was thinking it would be a "reminder" or "practice" spanking. I prefer those words to "maintenance". I like to think that these sort-of-weekly spankings are to remind me that I can be spanked if I get out of line and try to take control of the relationship. These routine spankings for him to practice how to spank me and for me to learn how to take a spanking with grace and dignity.
When I suggested a spanking, he said, "Yes, you were very sassy in the kitchen tonight." How exciting! He wanted to spank me for being sassy!! Let me tell you what happened...
Yesterday, M was helping me cook a chicken stew. He is just learning to cook, so he has some silly ways of doing things, like peeling an onion. He tries to take off each paper-thin peeling, one at at time. As a teen, my mother taught me to remove the skin by cutting almost all the way across the top and bottom of the onion and ripping off a section. Then, take off one good layer and all of the peelings at once. When I noticed what he was doing, I made some disparaging remarks and grabbed the knife from him and tried to apply my method, also known as "the right way". He went along and didn't say anything at the time. But he must have been stewing over it all night (no pun intended!).
So, I'm excited that I will get a spanking this afternoon for being disrespectful. It would have been ok to be spanked for this anytime last night. If he had said something at the time, he could have spanked me while the stew was simmering. But it's ok to wait a little while, too. I've been thinking about it this morning, and I like the idea that he is going to try to take me in hand and give me a good cane and wooden paddle spanking for my actions. Eventually, I'd like him to spank hard enough that I start to cry. (Hasn't happened yet, but we are getting there.) As I mentioned above, I have a tendency to sort of take over. For him to remain somewhat in charge, he will have to spank me fairly often, perhaps about once a week. I can tell that he doesn't really like it, but he does it for me and for the relationship.
To be honest, though, it's all just an illusion - I am still in charge. ;)
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Why Spanking Fantasies?
One aspect of spanking that is not explained by Opponent-Process Theory is having fantasies of being spanked before having any experience with erotic spanking - or any other type of spanking, for that matter. Why would I have had spanking fantasies as a college student? I had only ever had the rare swat on the rear for being too loud in the house.
I remember picking up a book in the college bookstore, reading a random page or two, and being aroused by stories of activities much more extreme than spanking. The book was apparently assigned reading for a sociology class. I think the description was of bondage of some sort. Perhaps there was some mild BDSM, too. I just don't remember. Not long after that, browsing at Walden Books, I discovered Nancy Friday's books of women's fantasies. While the rape fantasies did nothing for me, those that mentioned spanking were dog-eared and underlined. Why? I definitely think the feelings of (safe) loss of control and being overwhelmed are part of that thrill. There is something to the repetitive and unrelenting nature of a spanking that is very similar to .... well, I'll let you figure that out! So, being commanded to bend over and then have that pounding, pounding, pounding - with a little imaginary sting each time is pretty exciting.
That is the fantasy world. If a real spanking were just pain and misery, a woman would ask for or agree to one, have a terrible experience and then never agree to another spanking. Certainly, this does happen to some women, depending on the experience provided by her spanker and her own mental state and perceptions. But, many, many more do it again and again. I believe they have nice afterfeelings even with the first spanking and develop the good aftereffects that Opponent-Process predicts if the spankings are just frequent enough - perhaps once a week or so? Most people seem to settle on some time period between four days and a week between "maintenance" spankings. Could that be the optimal time between experiences? Perhaps. Alas, I don't think we can really know, but maybe one day other research will give us an idea of optimal. Any volunteers??
In the meantime, "Keep on Spanking"!!
I remember picking up a book in the college bookstore, reading a random page or two, and being aroused by stories of activities much more extreme than spanking. The book was apparently assigned reading for a sociology class. I think the description was of bondage of some sort. Perhaps there was some mild BDSM, too. I just don't remember. Not long after that, browsing at Walden Books, I discovered Nancy Friday's books of women's fantasies. While the rape fantasies did nothing for me, those that mentioned spanking were dog-eared and underlined. Why? I definitely think the feelings of (safe) loss of control and being overwhelmed are part of that thrill. There is something to the repetitive and unrelenting nature of a spanking that is very similar to .... well, I'll let you figure that out! So, being commanded to bend over and then have that pounding, pounding, pounding - with a little imaginary sting each time is pretty exciting.
That is the fantasy world. If a real spanking were just pain and misery, a woman would ask for or agree to one, have a terrible experience and then never agree to another spanking. Certainly, this does happen to some women, depending on the experience provided by her spanker and her own mental state and perceptions. But, many, many more do it again and again. I believe they have nice afterfeelings even with the first spanking and develop the good aftereffects that Opponent-Process predicts if the spankings are just frequent enough - perhaps once a week or so? Most people seem to settle on some time period between four days and a week between "maintenance" spankings. Could that be the optimal time between experiences? Perhaps. Alas, I don't think we can really know, but maybe one day other research will give us an idea of optimal. Any volunteers??
In the meantime, "Keep on Spanking"!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Opponent-Process: Pleasure from Pain
The idea of explaining a woman's desire for a spanking using the Opponent-Process Theory of pain and pleasure makes TTWD much more understandable. I've long thought that Opponent-Process might explain why someone would ask for a painful experience like this, but having read more about the application of the theory to other situations I am even more impressed with the elegance and simplicity of the explanation. It just fits everything so well.
Part of what amazes me is that the theory applies both to women who simply like to be spanked for erotic purposes (e.g., Bonnie) as well as those practicing "Domestic Discipline" (Clint and Chelsea) and those who might be somewhere in between (Sara). I know the "pure Dd" group will disagree, but Dd is simply a way to convince a man who is not a natural spanko to spank his wife or girlfriend. I first understood this when a man I was dating asked me to spank him for discipline. I was willing to do it - as a favor - but it would not turn me on. I see an "HOH" that way. He gets no thrill from spanking, but he wants to do this for his wife or girlfriend. The idea of spanking her for discipline makes the activity acceptable to him. The couple simply have a more well-developed backstory than most of us. That's fine. I like the idea of a little discipline, too, but I don't need to justify my enjoyment of a spanking as a way to have a "clean slate" after a disagreement. A spanking never solved much of anything, so if there were real problems to disagree about, spanking would just drive the issues underground. (I have seen posts from women who seem to be stuck in this downward spiral. If I find one, I will post. I try to forget these sad stories.) I will concede that some women need a little spanking every now and then to remember to treat their husbands or boyfriends with respect. I know a few I could nominate. And I could have used one yesterday! Lol.
I'm sure some will dismiss the Opponent-Process explanation as "just a theory", but note that Todd Becker writes, "Solomon’s theory [Opponent-Process] has been verified experimentally with animals and humans, and reflects a sophisticated understanding of the physiology of the nervous system." You will have to refer to his very well-written blog entry for more detail. I could not do a better job. Kudos! The bottom line is that the theory works for so many behaviors and sensations.
I expect some push-back on this theory, as many people prefer mystery to an explanation. Seeing a spanking as a way to bring out endorphins in response to pain is not a radically new idea, either, but the theory is much more. It is fleshed out and comprehensive. Study Figures 4-7 on Becker's webpage. Disagree if you will, but all I ask is that you use a logical approach.
[As I may have noted elsewhere, I use "man" as the one with the paddle and "woman" as the one with the red bottom because that is how my life is organized. Sorry, but if your spankee is a man, you'll just have to do a find on "woman" and replace it with "man", "man" with "woman", and so on! I prefer not to use HoH because I can't stand to pronounce it "H-o-H" or to use the terms Dom and Sub, as that just doesn't feel like my life. To each his own.]
Part of what amazes me is that the theory applies both to women who simply like to be spanked for erotic purposes (e.g., Bonnie) as well as those practicing "Domestic Discipline" (Clint and Chelsea) and those who might be somewhere in between (Sara). I know the "pure Dd" group will disagree, but Dd is simply a way to convince a man who is not a natural spanko to spank his wife or girlfriend. I first understood this when a man I was dating asked me to spank him for discipline. I was willing to do it - as a favor - but it would not turn me on. I see an "HOH" that way. He gets no thrill from spanking, but he wants to do this for his wife or girlfriend. The idea of spanking her for discipline makes the activity acceptable to him. The couple simply have a more well-developed backstory than most of us. That's fine. I like the idea of a little discipline, too, but I don't need to justify my enjoyment of a spanking as a way to have a "clean slate" after a disagreement. A spanking never solved much of anything, so if there were real problems to disagree about, spanking would just drive the issues underground. (I have seen posts from women who seem to be stuck in this downward spiral. If I find one, I will post. I try to forget these sad stories.) I will concede that some women need a little spanking every now and then to remember to treat their husbands or boyfriends with respect. I know a few I could nominate. And I could have used one yesterday! Lol.
I'm sure some will dismiss the Opponent-Process explanation as "just a theory", but note that Todd Becker writes, "Solomon’s theory [Opponent-Process] has been verified experimentally with animals and humans, and reflects a sophisticated understanding of the physiology of the nervous system." You will have to refer to his very well-written blog entry for more detail. I could not do a better job. Kudos! The bottom line is that the theory works for so many behaviors and sensations.
I expect some push-back on this theory, as many people prefer mystery to an explanation. Seeing a spanking as a way to bring out endorphins in response to pain is not a radically new idea, either, but the theory is much more. It is fleshed out and comprehensive. Study Figures 4-7 on Becker's webpage. Disagree if you will, but all I ask is that you use a logical approach.
[As I may have noted elsewhere, I use "man" as the one with the paddle and "woman" as the one with the red bottom because that is how my life is organized. Sorry, but if your spankee is a man, you'll just have to do a find on "woman" and replace it with "man", "man" with "woman", and so on! I prefer not to use HoH because I can't stand to pronounce it "H-o-H" or to use the terms Dom and Sub, as that just doesn't feel like my life. To each his own.]
Monday, August 13, 2012
A Spanking New Theory of Spanking
I have spent a lot of time online looking for a blog post which will answer the question, "Why do I want to be spanked?" I have found posts where others try to explain what they enjoy about spanking. None seemed to fit me. So, not having found a suitable answer, I've decided to think carefully about this and see if I can come up with my own answer.
First, I decided that if I like spanking,I must like the feeling of being spanked.Well as one of my professors used to say, that's crazytalk! How could I like the feeling of pain as a paddle strikes my rear end? I definitely don't like that. The only satisfaction that comes as I am actually being spanked is from the accomplishment of remaining in place. More on that later.
Well, if I don't like the actual feeling of being spanked, I must like some other feelings associated with the spanking. So let's see, is it the anticipation of a spanking that I enjoy?
Actually, I think I do like that part. If I know I am getting a spanking after my bath, I get a little nervous and my heart beats a little faster. I am genuinely a little worried as to what I will be experiencing in the near future. It's sort of like those click, click, click moments as a rollercoaster approaches its peak. Just riding a car to the top of a track is in itself not a very scary experience, yet the adrenaline is flowing and my senses are a bit heightened. I can definitely say I like this part of a spanking!
Continuing the rollercoaster ride, the spanking itself is like careening down the tracks in a terrifying free-fall. You scream, you grab on to the bar for "safety", and your mind is overwhelmed with sensations from your eyes, ears, and stomach! If you could think logically, you would realize that the amusement park is not going to design a ride to kill you, but your brain reacts as though its survival is threatened. Your palms may sweat as your body's sympathetic nervous system runs in high gear. Although technically a spanking is not really dangerous to you in the long term, your body still interprets pain as a threat to its survival. So the spanks are interpreted as a form of danger to your nervous system. The spanks hurt, and you struggle to follow instructions and stay in position. You want to cry and you clutch a blanket or pillow. You screw your eyes shut, a typical reaction to unpleasant stimuli. Perhaps closing your eyes is a way to try to limit incoming stimulation. I don't think that I really like this part.
The time after the spanking is similar to the end of the ride as the coaster glides to a stop and the riders unload. I think everyone agrees that these moments after a spanking are the best part. I know that I have a wonderful sense of well-being at this point. And I transfer wonderful feeling to my partner. I love that he has taken me to this place. I appreciate him in so many ways. I lie beside him with my head on his shoulder, and he seems so wonderful, so strong, so attractive.
I have survived. It hurt. But I am ok now.
Actually - to the bigger question - I think this is why women enjoy spanking. There is that thrill that you have survived something dangerous, which psychologists explain as Opponent-Process Theory. Here's a good explanation at Opponent-Process Theory. (Opponent-Process is a strange term, but think of it as "opposite process" theory.)
I have never been able to tolerate thrill-seeking activities such as rollercoaster rides, but I like exciting things like new ideas, so maybe a spanking is a way for me to stimulate my sympathetic nervous system with some excitement.
One final question - can I have this thrill, bonding, and sense of well-being every day? Right now I want it every day. But like many treats and thrills, perhaps it is better to keep them special by not having them so often. I suppose I would be satisfied with once or twice a week. But what other treat is so good for me and has absolutely NO fat and no calories?? I think this is better than ice cream!! :-)
First, I decided that if I like spanking,I must like the feeling of being spanked.Well as one of my professors used to say, that's crazytalk! How could I like the feeling of pain as a paddle strikes my rear end? I definitely don't like that. The only satisfaction that comes as I am actually being spanked is from the accomplishment of remaining in place. More on that later.
Well, if I don't like the actual feeling of being spanked, I must like some other feelings associated with the spanking. So let's see, is it the anticipation of a spanking that I enjoy?
Actually, I think I do like that part. If I know I am getting a spanking after my bath, I get a little nervous and my heart beats a little faster. I am genuinely a little worried as to what I will be experiencing in the near future. It's sort of like those click, click, click moments as a rollercoaster approaches its peak. Just riding a car to the top of a track is in itself not a very scary experience, yet the adrenaline is flowing and my senses are a bit heightened. I can definitely say I like this part of a spanking!
Continuing the rollercoaster ride, the spanking itself is like careening down the tracks in a terrifying free-fall. You scream, you grab on to the bar for "safety", and your mind is overwhelmed with sensations from your eyes, ears, and stomach! If you could think logically, you would realize that the amusement park is not going to design a ride to kill you, but your brain reacts as though its survival is threatened. Your palms may sweat as your body's sympathetic nervous system runs in high gear. Although technically a spanking is not really dangerous to you in the long term, your body still interprets pain as a threat to its survival. So the spanks are interpreted as a form of danger to your nervous system. The spanks hurt, and you struggle to follow instructions and stay in position. You want to cry and you clutch a blanket or pillow. You screw your eyes shut, a typical reaction to unpleasant stimuli. Perhaps closing your eyes is a way to try to limit incoming stimulation. I don't think that I really like this part.
The time after the spanking is similar to the end of the ride as the coaster glides to a stop and the riders unload. I think everyone agrees that these moments after a spanking are the best part. I know that I have a wonderful sense of well-being at this point. And I transfer wonderful feeling to my partner. I love that he has taken me to this place. I appreciate him in so many ways. I lie beside him with my head on his shoulder, and he seems so wonderful, so strong, so attractive.
I have survived. It hurt. But I am ok now.
Actually - to the bigger question - I think this is why women enjoy spanking. There is that thrill that you have survived something dangerous, which psychologists explain as Opponent-Process Theory. Here's a good explanation at Opponent-Process Theory. (Opponent-Process is a strange term, but think of it as "opposite process" theory.)
I have never been able to tolerate thrill-seeking activities such as rollercoaster rides, but I like exciting things like new ideas, so maybe a spanking is a way for me to stimulate my sympathetic nervous system with some excitement.
One final question - can I have this thrill, bonding, and sense of well-being every day? Right now I want it every day. But like many treats and thrills, perhaps it is better to keep them special by not having them so often. I suppose I would be satisfied with once or twice a week. But what other treat is so good for me and has absolutely NO fat and no calories?? I think this is better than ice cream!! :-)
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Why DD Works Better
Most people have three main rules for domestic discipline that involve dangerous, disrespectful, or disobedient behavior. Some question whether a woman needs a domestic discipline relationship in order to correct any behavior. Let's take dangerous behavior as an example today. One great example of an extremely dangerous behavior is texting while driving, or any touching of a cellphone while driving other than to simply answer an incoming call. In my state, texting while driving is certainly illegal, and I believe reading an email or - heaven forbid - writing an email would be illegal as well. After all, it doesn't matter which app you use. Touching and looking at a phone while driving is just plain dangerous.
Well, it is clear that a person who touches a phone while driving is trying to get away with something. I know this behavior is illegal, yet I have done it - even recently. Why would I do something that could kill me or earn me an expensive ticket? I do it because I can (usually) get away with it. So far I have ALWAYS gotten away with it. When I am tempted to use my phone while driving, there is only a small voice that says, "You really shouldn't do this....". Sometimes that voice wins out, but often my desire to do something with my phone wins out.
Should I text and drive? Here are the reasons against it:
(1) I might get in an accident. If today I text while driving and I don't get an accident, I got away with it! Whew! I was lucky - again - but I clearly got something for what seems to be nothing.
(2) I might get a ticket. But today I texted while driving and didn't get a ticket, so I got away with it! Yay!!
Those two main reasons apply to everyone. In this system, there very few real negative consequences to behavior. In fact, I've never been in an accident or gotten a ticket for texting while driving. What do you think that is teaching me??
Now, let's say I am in a Domestic Discipline relationship. There is an additional, very compelling reason for me to never, ever text while driving. Here it is:
(3) If today I texted while driving, I would be obligated to tell my boyfriend that I did it as soon as I speak to him. It doesn't matter whether he saw me or whether someone tells him (like a cop). I have to face him and tell him that I did something very dangerous. I am simply not going to get away with this. No matter what, I am going to get a spanking. How often will I break the "dangerous" rule if I get an intermediate or advanced spanking for doing it? (It could be any kind of serious spanking. These are just two well-defined examples. See the LearningDD website for descriptions.) I can't have a spanking like that every day, so I'm guessing that after one, I definitely would not do misbehave the next day. Or the day after that. I am thinking the effect would be fairly long-lasting. I think I would learn not to text while driving at all after only one or two serious spankings. Certainly, I wouldn't do it more than a few times a year. How could I? These spankings are truly excruciating.
If you think about it this way, you will see that Dd is a much safer and more consistent way to change a person's behavior than just "knowing" it is dangerous or having the threat of economic penalties (i.e., getting a ticket).
From talking to coworkers, it seems that as more socially connected creatures, women seem to be more tempted to text while driving then men are. Men certainly seem to look at their phones for less time. In any event, my next post will explain how Dd changes the man's behavior to make him less likely to text while driving.
(Note: I use men as the HoH and women as the one receiving the punishments because that's how my life is. If yours is different, you will have to change the pronouns and other references.)
Well, it is clear that a person who touches a phone while driving is trying to get away with something. I know this behavior is illegal, yet I have done it - even recently. Why would I do something that could kill me or earn me an expensive ticket? I do it because I can (usually) get away with it. So far I have ALWAYS gotten away with it. When I am tempted to use my phone while driving, there is only a small voice that says, "You really shouldn't do this....". Sometimes that voice wins out, but often my desire to do something with my phone wins out.
Should I text and drive? Here are the reasons against it:
(1) I might get in an accident. If today I text while driving and I don't get an accident, I got away with it! Whew! I was lucky - again - but I clearly got something for what seems to be nothing.
(2) I might get a ticket. But today I texted while driving and didn't get a ticket, so I got away with it! Yay!!
Those two main reasons apply to everyone. In this system, there very few real negative consequences to behavior. In fact, I've never been in an accident or gotten a ticket for texting while driving. What do you think that is teaching me??
Now, let's say I am in a Domestic Discipline relationship. There is an additional, very compelling reason for me to never, ever text while driving. Here it is:
(3) If today I texted while driving, I would be obligated to tell my boyfriend that I did it as soon as I speak to him. It doesn't matter whether he saw me or whether someone tells him (like a cop). I have to face him and tell him that I did something very dangerous. I am simply not going to get away with this. No matter what, I am going to get a spanking. How often will I break the "dangerous" rule if I get an intermediate or advanced spanking for doing it? (It could be any kind of serious spanking. These are just two well-defined examples. See the LearningDD website for descriptions.) I can't have a spanking like that every day, so I'm guessing that after one, I definitely would not do misbehave the next day. Or the day after that. I am thinking the effect would be fairly long-lasting. I think I would learn not to text while driving at all after only one or two serious spankings. Certainly, I wouldn't do it more than a few times a year. How could I? These spankings are truly excruciating.
If you think about it this way, you will see that Dd is a much safer and more consistent way to change a person's behavior than just "knowing" it is dangerous or having the threat of economic penalties (i.e., getting a ticket).
From talking to coworkers, it seems that as more socially connected creatures, women seem to be more tempted to text while driving then men are. Men certainly seem to look at their phones for less time. In any event, my next post will explain how Dd changes the man's behavior to make him less likely to text while driving.
(Note: I use men as the HoH and women as the one receiving the punishments because that's how my life is. If yours is different, you will have to change the pronouns and other references.)
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Three Spankings
(1) Several times over the past month I've wanted to say, "If we have a little time this weekend, would you indulge my kink?", but I've always chickened out. Finally, on Monday, I decided to send my boyfriend, M, an email with some instructions on how to conduct a Beginner's Spanking. I sent it to him and waited. I could see him walk to the computer to check his account. I even saw him read it. He seemed a bit surprised and had to read it a couple of times. Finally, he turned to me and said, "I saw your email." That opened up the discussion. He said that he had no problem asking for what he wants, sexually, so I should have no trouble asking for a spanking. He asked if that took away some of the excitement. After 10 or 15 minutes of talk, he asked if I was ready to go to the bedroom. We did, and he spanked me rather lightly with the wood paddle. I think he did about 30 hand spanks and 22 paddle spanks.
(2) Last night, no warmup, 26 paddle strokes. I thought that might be all for the night, but instead he rubbed my bottom. At that point, I knew there would be more. It was exciting to realize that I was going to get another set! He paddled me 16 more times.
(3) Tonight, I asked for my spanking as soon as we came in from work. He agreed and I took off all of my clothes. He did a hand warmup with about 30 strokes, then about 25 paddle strokes, all harder than yesterday. After two days of spanking, tonight's spanking really hurt. Again, he stopped, rubbed, and said, "A little break...." so I knew there would be more. He then smacked me about 18 more times. I was starting to squirm in that set. I moaned loudly, too, and said, "Owwww...." Then, we hugged and had a little kiss and I threw on a dress so that we could go to the living room to watch the evening news on the DVR. I liked the feeling of a sore bottom as I reclined on my side on the sofa. Covering with a blanket held in the heat and made it sting more. Later, reheating leftovers for supper, my bottom hurt each time I leaned over the sink. It was a good feeling, though. Didn't hurt much to sit at the dinner table, but I had that good after-spanking feeling the whole time.
(2) Last night, no warmup, 26 paddle strokes. I thought that might be all for the night, but instead he rubbed my bottom. At that point, I knew there would be more. It was exciting to realize that I was going to get another set! He paddled me 16 more times.
(3) Tonight, I asked for my spanking as soon as we came in from work. He agreed and I took off all of my clothes. He did a hand warmup with about 30 strokes, then about 25 paddle strokes, all harder than yesterday. After two days of spanking, tonight's spanking really hurt. Again, he stopped, rubbed, and said, "A little break...." so I knew there would be more. He then smacked me about 18 more times. I was starting to squirm in that set. I moaned loudly, too, and said, "Owwww...." Then, we hugged and had a little kiss and I threw on a dress so that we could go to the living room to watch the evening news on the DVR. I liked the feeling of a sore bottom as I reclined on my side on the sofa. Covering with a blanket held in the heat and made it sting more. Later, reheating leftovers for supper, my bottom hurt each time I leaned over the sink. It was a good feeling, though. Didn't hurt much to sit at the dinner table, but I had that good after-spanking feeling the whole time.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Back in the Paddle Again....
Sorry for the long delay between posts. I know, I know. I should be spanked! I couldn't agree more! ;) I recall that I had an attack of conscience and realized that my new steady boyfriend, M, would not appreciate it if he found out that I was blogging about our most private activities. But, now, as we get back to more spanking adventures, I just want to share the progress that we have made. I hope others enjoy what I write and learn from our experiences (and potential misadventures).
To bring you up-to-date, here is a quick summary. M and I have had a loooong drought - no spankings since November. I noticed that I was the only one who ever brought up spankings; he never did. I don't think he read the electronic books that I gave him. I decided not to say anything and to just let the idea develop in his mind (and, I hoped, his actions). In April, he mentioned something about "a good spanking", in a teasing way. That was certainly a good sign! I guess that gave me encouragement. In bed recently, I reminded him that we could play with spankings. (He hasn't bought into the whole "Dd" scene yet.) He immediately located and retrieved the round leather paddle with the metal insert. He sat at the foot of the bed, and over his lap I went. I got a nice spanking. I encouraged him to go harder two or three times. It still was not hard enough to satisfy me - and he quits when it finally gets stingy - but I was glad that we are making progress.
He still thinks spanking is kinky, but I reminded him of activities that he likes that I think are just as kinky, if not more so.
Encouraged by the progress he is making, I ordered two new implements that intrigued me last weekend. I only told him that something would be coming in the mail. No hint as to what it would be. When it came in and I hesitated when he asked what it was, he guessed, "Something kinky?" I sheepishly answered, "Sort of...." I cut open the package but did not remove the contents. He had heard me opening the package and came back in the room. I let him look in the package. It was so embarrassing to have him see that I had ordered a thick wooden paddle for him to spank my bottom!! Luckily for me, he wasn't mortified. He picked up the paddle and pronounced it "serious", but said the cane looked like "nothing". I replied, "Oh, but the cane is the scariest thing. We talked about other subjects for a couple of minutes, and then I asked him to give it a try on my bottom. "Out here," I suggested. "I've always thought this would be a good spot," and I walked over to stand behind the oversized chair. I told him I'd have to take down my jeans because they have large buttons on the back pockets. I took them down but left my undies on. Then, I bent over the back of the chair and waited. I reminded him to hit in the fleshiest part of my bottom to avoid causing damage. Whack! Whack! He gave a couple of soft swats that did hurt more than I expected. Another one, Whack! i moaned a bit. Then a final WHACK. All on my left cheek. And that was it.
About a half hour later I checked in the restroom. The area where he had paddled me was pink in about a 5 inch diameter circle, but the center 2 or 3 inches was white. I worried that this might be a bruise forming. Later, I asked him to do a warmup on the other cheek and repeat the four swats with the paddle. He agreed, and we went into the bedroom. He took a position seated at the foot of the bed, but I suggested a position more similar to the one we used in the living room - with me standing and leaning on the bed. By this time, I had bathed and put on a nightie, so I didn't have any undies on. I told him that it might not be necessary as the white and pink had faded away. But we agreed that "for balance" he should spank the other side. He spanked me fairly lightly on the right cheek about 20 or 30 times with his hand, then he picked up the paddle. WHACK! "Damn!" Oh, that hurts.! WHACK! "Ow..." WHACK! "Ow..." WHACK! "That really hurts!" He joked that maybe he was getting the hang of it. I stood up. "Wow, that thing really hurts. It seems like the warmup made it hurt more. I don't know if I like this stuff! Let me put this thing away!" We had a hug, and he ended up putting the paddle on the dresser and walked away. I got in bed, on my burning bottom and wondered if I really like this spanking stuff or not. I mean, it really hurt!
That evening I had told M that I want to be spanked to the point that I don't like it, even to the point of crying. I don't think he understands this, but to his credit, he is willing to do it. I see all of this as a challenge. Is it erotic? The idea is an erotic thrill, but the reality is painful and not sexually exciting in the moment. So why do I want it? I think it is all for that moment after, when I think, "Oh, this man just paddled my bottom!" Now that is a thrill!
The hairbrush never got an "ow" out of me. The leather paddle was like a nice massage. But this is completely new. I think of it as a challenge. To be spanked until my bottom hurts and burns and I really don't like it. The wooden paddle is brutal! How could I take 20 of those paddle strokes (10 per cheek, with no warmup necessary), as Clint at 'http://learningdd.blogspot.com' has suggested for a Beginner spanking?? http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/punishment-3-beginner-level-spankings.html What if M wants to give me an Intermediate, or - heaven forbid - an Advanced spanking??
I don't know, but now, two days later, I know I can't wait to find out!
To bring you up-to-date, here is a quick summary. M and I have had a loooong drought - no spankings since November. I noticed that I was the only one who ever brought up spankings; he never did. I don't think he read the electronic books that I gave him. I decided not to say anything and to just let the idea develop in his mind (and, I hoped, his actions). In April, he mentioned something about "a good spanking", in a teasing way. That was certainly a good sign! I guess that gave me encouragement. In bed recently, I reminded him that we could play with spankings. (He hasn't bought into the whole "Dd" scene yet.) He immediately located and retrieved the round leather paddle with the metal insert. He sat at the foot of the bed, and over his lap I went. I got a nice spanking. I encouraged him to go harder two or three times. It still was not hard enough to satisfy me - and he quits when it finally gets stingy - but I was glad that we are making progress.
He still thinks spanking is kinky, but I reminded him of activities that he likes that I think are just as kinky, if not more so.
Encouraged by the progress he is making, I ordered two new implements that intrigued me last weekend. I only told him that something would be coming in the mail. No hint as to what it would be. When it came in and I hesitated when he asked what it was, he guessed, "Something kinky?" I sheepishly answered, "Sort of...." I cut open the package but did not remove the contents. He had heard me opening the package and came back in the room. I let him look in the package. It was so embarrassing to have him see that I had ordered a thick wooden paddle for him to spank my bottom!! Luckily for me, he wasn't mortified. He picked up the paddle and pronounced it "serious", but said the cane looked like "nothing". I replied, "Oh, but the cane is the scariest thing. We talked about other subjects for a couple of minutes, and then I asked him to give it a try on my bottom. "Out here," I suggested. "I've always thought this would be a good spot," and I walked over to stand behind the oversized chair. I told him I'd have to take down my jeans because they have large buttons on the back pockets. I took them down but left my undies on. Then, I bent over the back of the chair and waited. I reminded him to hit in the fleshiest part of my bottom to avoid causing damage. Whack! Whack! He gave a couple of soft swats that did hurt more than I expected. Another one, Whack! i moaned a bit. Then a final WHACK. All on my left cheek. And that was it.
About a half hour later I checked in the restroom. The area where he had paddled me was pink in about a 5 inch diameter circle, but the center 2 or 3 inches was white. I worried that this might be a bruise forming. Later, I asked him to do a warmup on the other cheek and repeat the four swats with the paddle. He agreed, and we went into the bedroom. He took a position seated at the foot of the bed, but I suggested a position more similar to the one we used in the living room - with me standing and leaning on the bed. By this time, I had bathed and put on a nightie, so I didn't have any undies on. I told him that it might not be necessary as the white and pink had faded away. But we agreed that "for balance" he should spank the other side. He spanked me fairly lightly on the right cheek about 20 or 30 times with his hand, then he picked up the paddle. WHACK! "Damn!" Oh, that hurts.! WHACK! "Ow..." WHACK! "Ow..." WHACK! "That really hurts!" He joked that maybe he was getting the hang of it. I stood up. "Wow, that thing really hurts. It seems like the warmup made it hurt more. I don't know if I like this stuff! Let me put this thing away!" We had a hug, and he ended up putting the paddle on the dresser and walked away. I got in bed, on my burning bottom and wondered if I really like this spanking stuff or not. I mean, it really hurt!
That evening I had told M that I want to be spanked to the point that I don't like it, even to the point of crying. I don't think he understands this, but to his credit, he is willing to do it. I see all of this as a challenge. Is it erotic? The idea is an erotic thrill, but the reality is painful and not sexually exciting in the moment. So why do I want it? I think it is all for that moment after, when I think, "Oh, this man just paddled my bottom!" Now that is a thrill!
The hairbrush never got an "ow" out of me. The leather paddle was like a nice massage. But this is completely new. I think of it as a challenge. To be spanked until my bottom hurts and burns and I really don't like it. The wooden paddle is brutal! How could I take 20 of those paddle strokes (10 per cheek, with no warmup necessary), as Clint at 'http://learningdd.blogspot.com' has suggested for a Beginner spanking?? http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/punishment-3-beginner-level-spankings.html What if M wants to give me an Intermediate, or - heaven forbid - an Advanced spanking??
I don't know, but now, two days later, I know I can't wait to find out!
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