Thursday, March 21, 2013

Fantasy or Reality: A More Careful Treatment

Recently, I started thinking about something that I've only seen discussed a little in blogs. How would you respond to the the following? (Reverse gender and references as required if  you are a man who receives spankings. I am a woman who is spanked, so I write from my point of view.)
  1. Do you enjoy imagining your husband or boyfriend spanking you (fantasy)?
  2. Do you enjoy reading about someone being spanked (erotica)?
  3. Do you enjoy watching someone take a spanking (videos)?
  4. Do you enjoy getting a spanking yourself (real life, erotic)?
  5. Do you enjoy getting a spanking yourself (real life, discipline or punishment)?
What I’d like to know is whether the women who like getting a real-life spanking also enjoy other types of spanking experiences. Many women in domestic discipline relationships say they don’t like the spanking and have never had a spanking fantasy in their lives.

Do the women who DO NOT like getting a real-life spanking happen to enjoy fantasy or erotica?

For me, I would describe my enjoyment of the options as follows:

(1) Sometimes when we are in bed or when I am just sitting around, I enjoy thinking that my boyfriend is preparing to spank me or spanking me. Since he is reluctant to do the real thing on a regular basis, the fantasies fill a void for me. The fantasies are sexually exciting for me. Years ago I read several of Nancy Friday’s books, and the stories she related of real women’s sexual fantasies were fascinating to me. (For the record, I identified with the spanking fantasies she included, but some of the other themes left me cold. A rape fantasy - seriously?. If you haven’t read her books, they were a bit dated even when I read those books decades ago, but they are intriguing nonetheless.) Bottom line, spanking fantasies are good (no pun intended).

(2) Reading spanking erotica can be exciting, if the short story is not too silly (English manor houses and female characters with ridiculously long, romantic names). I like short spanking fiction (maybe 2500 -3500 words??) set in relatively modern times (1940s to now) with a realistic spanking. The problem with looking for and reading spanking erotica is that so much of it “misses the mark” for me. I read a paragraph and decide I don’t like the style and move on to look for something else. After coming up empty when reading through a spanking library a few years ago, I decided to write up my own story. It was fun, and I was quite pleased with the result. It was just right – for me – because I wrote exactly what I liked! The bottom line is that spanking erotica is yet another path to something very similar to #1 above. (Note: I shared them with two or three men who are interested in spanking fiction and real life stories, and they all loved the stories and encouraged me to publish them. I looked for publishers, but then lost interest before submitting any of the stories.

(3) Watching someone else in a video. Sometimes I enjoy watching a mild spanking video instead of getting a spanking. (There are times when I enjoy that; I think, “Let her take the spanking!” – and I get the good fantasy feelings!) I know many people would consider this “p-rn”, and I don’t know what I really think of it. According to the Legal Dictionary (, at one time the US Supreme Court proposed the “Roth test” for determining if a work is p-rnogr-phy. The Roth test for obscenity is "whether to the average person, applying contemporary community standards, the dominant theme of the material taken as a whole appeals to a prurient [lewd or lustful] interest." Although the Legal dictionary notes, “the Roth test proved difficult to use because every term in it eluded a conclusive definition”, most spanking videos could be said to appeal to prurient interest. But, I am getting away from the point here, which is that I would enjoy a relatively tasteful spanking video, if there is such a thing. Hence, watching a video is basically a means to a fantasy (see #1 above).

(4) Getting a real spanking for erotic purposes. This is always fun for me. I like the “zing” of each smack, on a physical level. I never think, “Ugh, he’s hitting me again.” However, these erotic spankings are never “enough” for me. They are like an hors d'oeuvre or, literally, the first course – ok as a little addition to lovemaking, but not very filling.

(5) Getting a real spanking for discipline or punishment. I’ve only had some “role-play” discipline spankings. Although it would seem to be my ultimate goal to get a real spanking, I often question whether this is what I want or need. I enjoy seeing and handling the wood paddle that we have. I enjoy thinking that my boyfriend will give me a serious spanking in the next few hours. However, when the time comes and he is applying that paddle to my backside over and over, I don’t know whether I enjoy the spanking or not. I struggle a bit to “get through it” (as we all seem to say), but is it something I enjoy? My answer would be “no”, although I love the aftereffects of closeness and respect that I feel for him. The feelings seem to result from the thrill of surviving a difficult experience. I don’t yet know if I would enjoy the spanking or the aftereffects if I wasn’t in the mood for it. So far, each spanking has occurred when I wanted one or was at least willing to get one. Only once was I even slightly surprised, and even then, I easily agreed to go over his knee because I see it as a positive experience (and I knew it wouldn’t be a long ordeal as it was already late at night). I don’t know how I would feel if he were more interested in spanking than I am. I think I would not like that and would ultimately break up with someone who consistently wanted to spank me more than I wanted it or had very different ideas about the style or intensity of the spankings he delivered. That is, unless we had a clear domestic discipline arrangement and I eventually agreed that the spanking was just and fair, in which case the problem was simply that I was having trouble adjusting to the idea that I needed to submit to a spanking.

Well, this has been a long post. The choices here still come down to the question of whether I want this in fantasy (1, 2, or 3) or reality (4 or 5). Number 4 is fun and light, so I know I like it. But do I really want Number 5? I don’t know whether I will know the answer to that question until I’ve tried this and perhaps crossed over from my comfort zone a few times. What do you think? Do you like any or all of the choices?


  1. Hi Jenny,
    I think I agree with your own summary, being a the f in the M/f spanking scenario.
    1 is a yes
    2 is a yes and have been for years, before the digital age
    3 is tricky, I am a bit voyeuristic, but at the back of mind is the issue of consent and age, so I'm wary unless it is absolutely clear up front about the participants. So I stick to words
    4 is a yes for erotic thrills.
    5 is where I would say no, as I'm not in a DD relationship. As you say, without an agreement or yielding control outside the bedroom, it doesn't work for me as a real-life discipline. However in the bedroom, discipline in fantasy world, yes, maybe, don't know. As yet we haven't done any role play around this either. At the moment spanking is part of the dynamics of what we do in the bedroom, he is the top and me the bottom. It's one aspect and not the whole picture.

    1. I haven't seen anyone in s spanking video who appears to actually be underage. I often see 19-y-os or 20-somethings dressed up as schoolgirls, but they are obviously taking advantage of having the right looks and figure to "pass" as a teen. From what I've seen, these nearly-mainstream websites are careful to use actors who are over 18.

      Thanks for commenting!

  2. Well, as a male dom, I'm going to reverse everything! But, here goes...

    1 Do you enjoy imagining your husband or boyfriend spanking you (fantasy)? Yes, I enjoy imagining giving the spanking, and I like it if my girlfriend enjoys thinking about it, as well.

    2 Do you enjoy reading about someone being spanked (erotica)? Yes, I definitely like reading about it, and even writing it.

    3 Do you enjoy watching someone take a spanking (videos)? I like the videos, but what makes it special for me is if they have a good plot. That is, the reason for the spanking matters. Just action, per se, can be thrilling, but you've seen one you've seen them all, in that sense.

    4 Do you enjoy getting a spanking yourself (real life, erotic)? Yes, I enjoy both getting and giving them. But I have a distinct preference for giving them (in RL).

    5 Do you enjoy getting a spanking yourself (real life, discipline or punishment)? I don't especially enjoy giving discipline spankings. However, I can enjoy fantasizing about them. I don't like the fact that the sub has misbehaved. I do like the closeness I get after the fact and the generally good behavior it produces, though.

  3. I don't like being spanked EVER. I enjoy the closeness and the release of guilt I feel after but I'd never say I enjoy being spanked. :)


  4. 1) Do you enjoy imagining spanking you wife/girlfriend (fantasy)?
    Yes, very much so. Quite often in fact if my mind is free.
    Never heard of Nancy Friday books.

    2) Do you enjoy reading about someone being spanked (erotica)?
    Yes, in fact our preferences are similar based on what you stated. If the stories are short and to the point. Also if they take place in modern times. Can not get into fantasy setting and or historical settings. Also a big part of what I enjoy is discipline spanking from a gentleman's point of view with an edge which seems hard to find. I haven't found much of what I enjoy unfortunately and thus like you have taken a stab at writing my own stories. (Would love to hear your opinion of my stories. Have you ever read any?)

    3) Do you enjoy watching someone take a spanking (videos)?
    Yes within my suspension of disbelief comfort zone. I hate just action videos and I dislike videos which haves costumes that seem too "porny" i.e. school girls/nurses with high heels and massive makeup.
    I consider all these spanking videos porn - just mainly soft porn. Porn is just a classification/rating and there are degrees of intensity and quality if you think about it.

    4) & 5) Do you enjoy giving a spanking yourself (real life, erotic,discipline)?
    Yes of course I enjoy giving it to some point. I enjoy the feeling and the build up.
    I love the emotions of it all.
    I do not necessarily like to discipline, but know there is a benefit to both involved. I do not believe in severe punishment. A spanking should be enough to hurt and make her think twice next time. It is not meant to degrade her, resent the relationship, lower her self-esteem etc. That stuff I do not understand, but I am sure people dont understand my point of view either. Sometimes discipline leads to something sexual and sometimes sex doesnt really enter the equation.

    Do you enjoy getting a spanking yourself (real life, discipline or punishment)?

  5. Here are my two true stories

  6. I like spanking men from 60 and up. I think they really enjoy it and it does relieve them. Not that many willl admit it or look to find someone JUST FOR THE HALF HOUR SPANKING with no other stuff included. Especially in Certain area's in Florida. Treasure coast area. Any one need Momma to spank her boy? I'm a senior citizen looking for you.

    1. I do know someone who is always looking for someone to spank him. But he lives in the Tampa area.

      Thanks for your comment! Happy Spanking!

  7. Here we have yet another pretty young thing who, upon prancing through our door with pretensions of bright lights and stardom...found herself bottoms up across our man's knee kicking, squirming and squalling away.
    Watch full movie here