After some overwhelming personal events that started in mid-November, mostly concerning a very good friend of mine, I was in no mood for spanking for several weeks. Luckily for me, I am always the one who brings up the topic to my boyfriend. When I didn't bring it up for all those weeks, M didn't bring it up either. (He was out of town for the first five weeks or so after the problems started.)
I wondered for a while whether I would ever again be interested in having my backside hit with a paddle. I had no taste at all for writing, reading, or watching anything related to spanking. It seemed to be a bit too kinky and too much like an assault on me at a time when I was in a very fragile state. If he had been in town, I might have enjoyed a nice hand spanking after a couple of weeks, but only in a nurturing kind of way. At that point, there was no way I could bend over for a session with the wooden paddle or cane.
Another month or so passed after he returned and still I had no interest in spanking. The toys are always out of sight so there were no daily reminders of spanking. We had fun just spending time together again after our time apart. The holidays kept us busy, and then we rested. Other chores kept us busy through last week. On Saturday, finally, I felt like I had turned a corner. I needed - and wanted - a spanking!
On Sunday, as we were going to bed - a little early so that we could fool around - I asked him whether I deserved a spanking. It's always so hard to spit out those words, but I can't really expect him to read my mind. Once I push out the first word of that question, it gets easier. He replied that, yes, I had been sassy in the kitchen and at other times in the past week or so. We discussed where to do it (our usual spot was crowded with his things). We agreed upon a substitute location in the bedroom. He said that he would get out the paddle. I moved to the new spot. He brought the paddle and sat on the side of the bed. I stood near him. I told him that I felt sort of silly. He asked if I was ready to "assume the position", and then he giggled. I asked if he thought this was funny. I think he laughs because he doesn't (yet) share a love of spanking, and it makes him a little uncomfortable to order me into position. I have told him in the past that he has to tell me what to do at this point in the spanking process, so he does. I bent over and grabbed a pillow to support my chest as I lay over his leg.
He spanked with his hand first, maybe 30 or so soft spanks. The spanks did not hurt much. I didn't make a sound.
Then, he stopped and rubbed my bottom. I whimpered a bit and my heart beat faster as I sensed he was picking up the paddle. He spanked about 30 or so swats, one cheek at a time. They were firm paddle spanks, but nothing really painful. He mostly spanked on alternating cheeks, but occasionally followed one spank with another on the same cheek. He stopped and rubbed my bottom. He asked if that was enough. I replied, "You have to decide that." Then, he gave me about 30 more in the same style. He rubbed my bottom again and said, "I think that is enough for tonight." I agreed at this point because the severity of each spanking is ultimately his decision. I had planned to say, "Is that all you got, Grandma?" as a tease to get a harder spanking, but that sentiment wasn't my in my heart at that point. The spanking was hard, so I couldn't really complain that the spanks were too light, but I also wanted more.
I did have one other complaint. He sometimes reached over beyond the ideal spot on my right cheek and hit a bit on the side of my hip. That hurts in a different way and just doesn't seem to achieve the desired purpose. I'd like him to strike squarely on each cheek, perpendicular to the line of my spine. I indicated that during the spanking, and he kept to the correct spot after that. Not only does striking my side hurt in the wrong way, if he spanks there for my right cheek, the optimal spot on the right misses out on the attention it needs.
Two sets of 30 each or so with the paddle seemed to stop short of what I wanted and needed. I'd like him to follow those two sets of 30 or so with a brief lecture and six to ten really fast, really hard spanks that would finally make me squirm and kick. He could say, "Ok, Jenn, now the real spanking starts. Get ready..." I want some really hard spanks that are completely overwhelming. I'd like to cry.
Afterwards, as we snuggled, I told him that I think he doesn't want to hurt me. He agreed. But I think he is slowly getting it. We are making good progress. I'd like to leap forward over all of these growing pangs, but I guess that's just not possible.
I know he wants to make me happy, but he doesn't realize yet that by spanking me hard and long he makes me happy.
(Btw, we had great sex after this spanking!!)
[Edited 02/17/2013 to improve wording.]
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