At one point, I would have thought that a spanking did not need a reason. A spanking was swats on the bottom, case closed. But lately, my thoughts on what I will call "wife spanking" have changed. Let's say you're going to spank your wife (or girlfriend) for no particular reason. Perhaps it is for the erotic arousal of the you as the spanker or of the wife. What do you do? What implement to use? How many strokes? How long to continue? Should you continue until I protest verbally? Until she begs you to stop?
To answer each of these questions you need to answer the "master question", "Why is he spanking her?"
Notice I phrased that from the spanker's perspective. That is because the spanker is the one giving the spanking. He determines what to use and how long to continue. The spankee gives up all control over the spanking as soon as she consents to being spanked, both as a general agreement and by submitting to each spanking. Whether verbally or simply by physically presenting herself in the spanking position, she gives up all control except for emergency situations (e.g., breathing difficulties). It's all over for the spankee at that point.
But what should the spanker do? Give 3 swats? 10? 150? Without a purpose, there is no answer to this question.
Having said that, what could the purpose of the spanking be? Herein lies another problem. Let's see how this goes.
(1) Erotic. If the purpose is erotic, then it is easy. Spank slowly and with a soft to moderate stroke with your hands until her cheeks are pink. Take your time and stop to rub a bit to develop stronger erotic feelings in both of you. Erotic spankings may include implements, but these are normally the more moderate ones that are wielded with a gentler hand. Checking for arousal may be part of the routine, but is likely to be unnecessary after you get to know one another in the first few sessions.
(2) In between. Let me set this goal aside for the time being....
(3) Punishment. If the purpose is punishment, then she must be spanked a bit beyond when she feels she's had enough. This may be hard to gauge, but it is solely up to the spanker to look for signs and determine when she's been punished enough. Some say you should continue until she makes uncoordinated movements of her torso, legs, and hands - twisting, kicking, and reaching back. Others say when she is sincerely begging you to stop. you are almost at the point where she has been sufficiently punished. However, I say that the goal of a punishment spanking will vary with the crime. One curse word might mean a relatively light punishment spanking of about 10 strokes of the hairbrush or paddle, whereas texting and driving would deserve a severe spanking with either the cane or belt followed by the paddle. The light spanking may not be very exciting or make much of an impression on her, yet it may be enough to remind her to choose better words for a few days. Repeated offenses would earn a more severe spanking.
Is there really anything in between? Probably not anything different. All spankings probably fall somewhere on the Erotic to Punishment continuum and an "in between" spanking can be understood as a little less of one and a little more of the other for different people and different times. But the spanker and spankee must both know what the goal is, because there is a goal. It may just be that no one has stated the goal explicitly.
Having said that, what about these "maintenance spankings" that everyone talks about? To me, as most bloggers use the term "maintenance" is a small punishment spanking, like the bad language example above. Once a week he would spank for all the small things she could have done better, even if he does not list them or state directly that you are being spanked for all the small misdemeanors.
What about my preferred term, "Practice Spankings". Well, they are just that - practice, but the understood adjective is "punishment". Practice Spankings are almost always for punishment, because who in the heck needs to practice an erotic spanking? Way too easy. Whether a few swats, or a few hundred, if the goal is erotic, once you've given a few erotic spankings, you'll know that you know how to do it. After that, why play around with pretending to practice? Just give her an erotic spanking and enjoy the afteraffects.
What of "stress relief spankings"? As stress relief undoubtedly brings some measure of pleasure, a stress relief spanking is a form of Erotic Spanking. Why not?
One final note, purely "Erotic Spankings" have lost their appeal to me. They work, I do get aroused from smacks to my rear, but I no longer want spanks without a purpose. I like the purpose and the thrill of going over his knee for a punishment. I like the "out-of-control" aspect of "really getting it". I like looking at him afterwards and thinking, "This man just spanked me." I like that it reestablishes him as the leader and enforcer. It keeps me from overwhelming him. It keeps me from taking over the relationship. He's not a natural spanker (see earlier posts here), but I think he is starting to like it, perhaps for the same reasons. He had just never thought that spanking was the way to make the relationship something that he wanted it to be. He likes to be the leader. I like to have my say, but I know something is out-of-whack (no pun intended) when I am calling all the shots. He doesn't like it, but is too polite to say anything. I don't like it, but I feel bad enough without 'fessing up that I know my behavior is out-of-line. A good spanking is a way to reset us to what we both want. A small price to pay, if you ask me.
